Woody Allen, speechless


Marrying Mexicans for their money

This one’s for you, you Americans. Would you marry a Mexican for extra income so that they could live and work on U.S. American soil legally?

El Pato tomato sauce con jalapeños


Spicy, savory, has a kick and – most importantly – is Kosher. Tastes best with plain pasta and little bit of ketchup. Find endless cans of El Pato tomato sauces at Food 4 Less on 1st and Mott (Boyle Heights location) approximately one mile east of the El Pato factory on Mission Road before the bridge into downtown (Los Angeles).

What is a pinche “Hipster”?

According to the Urban Dictionary (urbandictionary.com), a “Hipster” is someone who:

Listens to bands that you have never heard of. Has hairstyle that can only be described as “complicated.” (Most likely achieved by a minimum of one week not washing it.) Probably tattooed. Maybe gay. Definitely cooler than you. Reads Black Book, Nylon, and the Styles section of the New York Times. Drinks Pabst Blue Ribbon. Often. Complains. Always denies being a hipster. Hates the word. Probably living off parents money – and spends a great deal of it to look like they don’t have any. Has friends and/or self cut hair. Dyes it frequently (black, white-blonde, etc. and until scalp bleeds). Has a closet full of clothing but usually wears same three things OVER AND OVER (most likely very tight black pants, scarf, and ironic tee-shirt). Chips off nail polish artfully after $50 manicure. Sleeps with everyone and talks about it at great volume in crowded coffee shops. Addicted to coffee, cigarettes (Parliaments, Kamel Reds, Lucky Strikes, etc.), and possibly cocaine. Claims to be in a band. Rehearsals consist of choosing outfits for next show and drinking PBR. Always on the list. Majors or majored in art, writing, or queer studies. Name-drops. May go by “Penny Lane,” “Eleanor Rigby,” etc. when drunk. On PBR. Which is usually.

Synonyms: indie emo scenester hip scene hipsters poser trendy punk cool pretentious music williamsburg gay hippie goth yuppie fashion bohemian coffee starbucks poseur wannabe fake nerd urban outfitters irony rock deck myspace loser lame fag prep urban ironic douchebag elitist scene kids hippy scene kid hardcore ipod stupid art fag fixie sex pbr geek liberal

Update on the forthcoming debut printed-on-paper-and-bound issue of Bridges and Free Ways

Dear Readers,

Thank you to those who sent in submissions! and before the original deadline! The pieces submitted so far are excellent.

The idea is that something will be put together by December. It’s possible. Anything is possible with optimism. Clean, half-glass full.

Serenity now!

Thank you.
Victoria E.M.K.

Buy the Boyle Heights T-shirt at Teocintli, 2717 E. 4th St. 90033

The Boyle Heights T-shirt, sold exclusively in Boyle Heights.

Buy the Boyle Heights t-shirt at Teocintli at 2717 E. 4th Street, 90033

Buy the Boyle Heights t-shirt at Teocintli at 2717 E. 4th Street, 90033

an email exchange with The Mexican

from Victoria Kraus
to garellano@ocweekly.com
date Mon, Mar 10, 2008 at 3:03 AM
subject a mexican question – del barrio real… Boyle Heights
mailed-by gmail.com

Dear Mr. Arellano,

1. Why do little Mexican kids have silver teeth when they’re three years old?
2. Why are there Christian Mexicans, Catholic Mexicans, Mexican Jehovah Witnesses, and Mormons? and why do they hate each other if they all believe in God?
3. Who is God and where in the hell is He?

Victoria Kraus, a half Japanese half Jewish gabacha who grew up in Baldwin Park, Montebello and Boyle Heights where she was called guera for her fair skin and passed as Mexican.


Victoria Kraus

from Gustavo Arellano
to Victoria Kraus
date Tue, Mar 11, 2008 at 8:35 AM
subject RE: a mexican question – del barrio real… Boyle Heights

The answer to your first question is in my book! Short response: rotten teeth and the cheapness of silver. As for the other ones–ask G-d!

The Mexican